I managed to sleep after crying a river, when I woke up, it felt like I had a bad dream but it was real. I was lost in my own thoughts, I smiled when I was spoken to, but deep down inside me, I was a mess. Completely heart broken. I took a break from life. Is that even possible? Oh Yes!. When nothing seems to bother you again, you simply do not care, when you focus on only work and nothing more, when all you want to do is be alone, that is what it feels like to take a break from life. It's gradual step towards depression.
It was recommended I read the bible, study it and make a conscious effort to memorize the words in it. I took the advise, I started with Matthew, I decided to start with the new testament because I needed to hear Jesus Christ speak to me through the words about his promises for me. I started feeling better and all my depression was released, the mysteries in the bible were revealed to me and suddenly everything that mattered became a mirage. I lost someone precious, it was an awful experience. I was scared and hid in my closet, I almost let the grief steal my joy.
Through studying the word of God, I was healed. No one should ever have to go through such a painful experience but the bible helped me understand I was going to see this person someday. Life on earth is a temporary journey, we are just spirits occupying a body, immortality can't be expressed through the flesh, we will have to die first. So death is inevitable, my prayer is that we get to live to an old age, get married, have children, dream, turn our dreams to reality, be merry, love, be fulfilled, serve the Lord in truth.
Before this ugly experience, I got hurt emotionally by some people I thought I knew. My dad had taken his time in the past to make me understand the world is brutal and you have to stand up for yourself when people either take you for granted or treat you in an ill manner because for some reason, they misread your meekness for vulnerability. Psalms 28:3 and Jeremiah 20:11 gives me comfort. The good Lord sees the heart and He will be the judge between me and anyone who persecutes me.
The world is a battlefield, the devil is constantly trying to steal the joy of our salvation and the best way to get by is to be armoured with the words of God, prayers and fellowship. God will never fail you, I am a witness, He has saved me countless times. If you are going through something that makes you hopeless, sad or depressed, know that the truth in God's words can set you free.
"Psalms 30:11 ~You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy."
