Thinking Out Loud : DON'T LET PEOPLE CHANGE YOU

In my church, we have a musical group. I am a major fan of their music, everytime they perform I get so excited and filled with joy. I personally like one young lady in the group because of  her style, anytime she is up on the altar, I gush about her style to my sister.

This past Sunday, the stylish songstress passed us, my sister asked me to go and say hi to her but I refused. My sister was surprised because I am usually very bold when it comes to stuffs like this. So my sister does what I would normally do, I try to stop her but she refuses to listen to me. She walks up to the stylish songstress and says "I celebrate you, my sister admires your style, she is too shy to introduce herself to you", the stylish songstress walks up to me with a smile and says "Hello, I'm Uzo, what's your name?", I introduce myself, she smiles and says she likes my hair, I smile back and say 'thank you", then she leaves. My sister then turns to me and says "What happened to you? You were never scared to make friends or talk to strangers you admire. This question made me ponder a bit.

Growing up, we moved a lot. This offered me a chance to meet different people, know diverse cultures and appreciate all kinds of people. I had my secondary school education in Northern Nigeria, the people are so friendly. I had so many friends in secondary school because of how down to earth people were. We had cliques in my secondary school but It was hard to pick a best friend or settle for a clique to be closer to. My corner mate or bunkie (Like a lot of boarders like to call it) was Hausa, she was from a wealthy and prominent family but you never could tell because she was so humble. Once I was going to visit her and a family friend offered to drop me over at her place, he didn't believe I knew anyone from that family because of how prominent they were, he only believed me when they opened the gate and all her little cousins screamed my name like I was a family member. I can write a book using my secondary school experiences but I will rather wait for it to be turned into a movie script by my cousin.

After secondary school, I moved back to Lagos, I had not been in Lagos for a while but I didn't find it difficult to make new friends. The young people in the estate we lived in were equally affable people. 2006 came along and I had to move again. This time, the location was Port Harcourt. I didn't know much about Port Harcourt, I was just excited and looking forward to learning new things and meeting new people. I always wanted to study in the North, I wanted to attend University Of Jos but that didn't work out because I missed the Post Universities Matriculation Examination. My dad didn't appreciate Nigerian Universities, so he did his research on Ghana and picked a school for my sister and I. However, we still went ahead to write Jamb, even though we didn't need it. We both passed, I went ahead to write the Post UME exam, my sister's focus was on the Ghanaian University, so she didn't bother with Post UME.

I passed my Post UME and my name came up on the admission list. I decided I was going to study at the University Of Port Harcourt. I had heard ugly stories about the University but I didn't care. My sister resumed school before me because Uniport cancelled our first Post UME, they said there was alot of cheating and EXPO passed around. I didn't understand that because that expo didn't get to me. So another exam was scheduled with some serious supervision, I passed again.

My real Port Harcourt experience started when I gained admission into the University Of Port Harcourt. My first impression was bad, most people were so unfriendly and snobbish. You ask for a simple direction and you will get a frown like you did something wrong. It was bad for me because I didn't know a single soul in the school, most people had friends, siblings or relations to help them out. I had to figure out everything on my own. Once I settled, I made a few friends and aquaintances. During the holidays, I would run into an aquaintance and with a friendly disposition, I would try to say Hi!!! in return, they would act snobbish or just completely ignore me or throw their face away. I was utterly shocked at this kind of behaviour.

Once I ran into a girl who was a neighbour's friend, she was always knocking at my door borrowing one thing or the other, she knew my name and over time, we would have small talks when she comes to borrow something. I saw her in town and went to say "Hi", she turned and said "Do I know you?", I smiled and introduced myself, It was so awkward. I have so many experiences. Over time, I would hear people tell me "You are definitely not a PH girl o", PH girl was a tag. To get that tag, you had to have some characteristics which I consider as flaws but for some reason, it was a good thing. Another time, a neighbor in school came into my room, He was going through my photo album and saw pictures of myself and my family in Jamaica and London. He looked at me with a kind of facial expression, I asked 'what's wrong?, He said "So you have travelled out before and no one knows?, You look so simple, no one would ever know you travel a lot. He went ahead to tell some other neighbors. By the next day, girls who never spoke to me started to say hi regularly.

I struggled to keep being open minded and down to earth but my environment was different. A lot of people in my new environment had known themselves from childhood, formed cliques and was not ready to mingle with people outside their cliques. The unfriendly dispositions suddenly got to me and I changed. I was tired of the awkwardness that came with having to say hi to snobbish people. Back to my sister's question, I realize that I let the behaviour of others change me, this is wrong. I am the most down to earth and friendly person I know, I am not bragging, I know this as a fact. The world is so big, with so many humans that are yet to meet me, so why rob them of a chance to meet one of the most affable and  nicest person on earth, that would be wicked. I am back to my default setting, letting go and being who God created me to be, not the version, ugly experiences created.

Friendliness is being open toward other people. It means being curious,warm and inviting towards people you don't know well. If anyone has treated you otherwise, just let the experience go, don't change, there are nice people like you out there waiting for their paths to cross yours. I met my husband on Facebook, he was so down to earth and kind with words, we became friends, turned into lovers and got married. My advice to unfriendly people, being friendly doesn't cost you a dime, so treat others with respect and kindness.