Thinking Out Loud : DON'T LET PEOPLE CHANGE YOU

In my church, we have a musical group. I am a major fan of their music, everytime they perform I get so excited and filled with joy. I personally like one young lady in the group because of  her style, anytime she is up on the altar, I gush about her style to my sister.

This past Sunday, the stylish songstress passed us, my sister asked me to go and say hi to her but I refused. My sister was surprised because I am usually very bold when it comes to stuffs like this. So my sister does what I would normally do, I try to stop her but she refuses to listen to me. She walks up to the stylish songstress and says "I celebrate you, my sister admires your style, she is too shy to introduce herself to you", the stylish songstress walks up to me with a smile and says "Hello, I'm Uzo, what's your name?", I introduce myself, she smiles and says she likes my hair, I smile back and say 'thank you", then she leaves. My sister then turns to me and says "What happened to you? You were never scared to make friends or talk to strangers you admire. This question made me ponder a bit.

Growing up, we moved a lot. This offered me a chance to meet different people, know diverse cultures and appreciate all kinds of people. I had my secondary school education in Northern Nigeria, the people are so friendly. I had so many friends in secondary school because of how down to earth people were. We had cliques in my secondary school but It was hard to pick a best friend or settle for a clique to be closer to. My corner mate or bunkie (Like a lot of boarders like to call it) was Hausa, she was from a wealthy and prominent family but you never could tell because she was so humble. Once I was going to visit her and a family friend offered to drop me over at her place, he didn't believe I knew anyone from that family because of how prominent they were, he only believed me when they opened the gate and all her little cousins screamed my name like I was a family member. I can write a book using my secondary school experiences but I will rather wait for it to be turned into a movie script by my cousin.

After secondary school, I moved back to Lagos, I had not been in Lagos for a while but I didn't find it difficult to make new friends. The young people in the estate we lived in were equally affable people. 2006 came along and I had to move again. This time, the location was Port Harcourt. I didn't know much about Port Harcourt, I was just excited and looking forward to learning new things and meeting new people. I always wanted to study in the North, I wanted to attend University Of Jos but that didn't work out because I missed the Post Universities Matriculation Examination. My dad didn't appreciate Nigerian Universities, so he did his research on Ghana and picked a school for my sister and I. However, we still went ahead to write Jamb, even though we didn't need it. We both passed, I went ahead to write the Post UME exam, my sister's focus was on the Ghanaian University, so she didn't bother with Post UME.

I passed my Post UME and my name came up on the admission list. I decided I was going to study at the University Of Port Harcourt. I had heard ugly stories about the University but I didn't care. My sister resumed school before me because Uniport cancelled our first Post UME, they said there was alot of cheating and EXPO passed around. I didn't understand that because that expo didn't get to me. So another exam was scheduled with some serious supervision, I passed again.

My real Port Harcourt experience started when I gained admission into the University Of Port Harcourt. My first impression was bad, most people were so unfriendly and snobbish. You ask for a simple direction and you will get a frown like you did something wrong. It was bad for me because I didn't know a single soul in the school, most people had friends, siblings or relations to help them out. I had to figure out everything on my own. Once I settled, I made a few friends and aquaintances. During the holidays, I would run into an aquaintance and with a friendly disposition, I would try to say Hi!!! in return, they would act snobbish or just completely ignore me or throw their face away. I was utterly shocked at this kind of behaviour.

Once I ran into a girl who was a neighbour's friend, she was always knocking at my door borrowing one thing or the other, she knew my name and over time, we would have small talks when she comes to borrow something. I saw her in town and went to say "Hi", she turned and said "Do I know you?", I smiled and introduced myself, It was so awkward. I have so many experiences. Over time, I would hear people tell me "You are definitely not a PH girl o", PH girl was a tag. To get that tag, you had to have some characteristics which I consider as flaws but for some reason, it was a good thing. Another time, a neighbor in school came into my room, He was going through my photo album and saw pictures of myself and my family in Jamaica and London. He looked at me with a kind of facial expression, I asked 'what's wrong?, He said "So you have travelled out before and no one knows?, You look so simple, no one would ever know you travel a lot. He went ahead to tell some other neighbors. By the next day, girls who never spoke to me started to say hi regularly.

I struggled to keep being open minded and down to earth but my environment was different. A lot of people in my new environment had known themselves from childhood, formed cliques and was not ready to mingle with people outside their cliques. The unfriendly dispositions suddenly got to me and I changed. I was tired of the awkwardness that came with having to say hi to snobbish people. Back to my sister's question, I realize that I let the behaviour of others change me, this is wrong. I am the most down to earth and friendly person I know, I am not bragging, I know this as a fact. The world is so big, with so many humans that are yet to meet me, so why rob them of a chance to meet one of the most affable and  nicest person on earth, that would be wicked. I am back to my default setting, letting go and being who God created me to be, not the version, ugly experiences created.

Friendliness is being open toward other people. It means being curious,warm and inviting towards people you don't know well. If anyone has treated you otherwise, just let the experience go, don't change, there are nice people like you out there waiting for their paths to cross yours. I met my husband on Facebook, he was so down to earth and kind with words, we became friends, turned into lovers and got married. My advice to unfriendly people, being friendly doesn't cost you a dime, so treat others with respect and kindness.

Hair Talk.

A lot of folks believe that our hair can't grow in Nigeria and a lot of people think the weather doesn't favour growth. This is a myth, we know genes play a role in the growth of long beautiful hair. However, the Nigerian hair can grow, you just need to take care of it with the right routine and products.

We eat to grow and feel healthy, if we skip our 3 square meal, we feel hungry. Well, the same applies to your scalp, the scalp needs food in form of oils, water and vitamins and it needs it daily. The typical saloon in Nigeria doesn't have time to pay attention to your hair because they are too busy trying to make more money. So when they apply conditioner to your hair, they rinse it off almost immediately and you don't see the results of that product.

That is why I would advise you do a lot of D.I.Y (Do it yourself) at home. I wash my hair myself or sometimes my husband helps me. That way, no one rushes me. I take my time to part my hair into sections and apply my products to my hair.

Another myth says "If you don't buy expensive hair products, your hair won't grow", that is wrong. Choose products that work well with your hair. As a product junkie, I have tried a lot of hair products and discovered it's not the price of the product that aids in the growth of my hair. Your shelf could be full of expensive hair products and you still won't see any improvement. A routine on how you use your products would help you.

My hair stash 

Here are some products I use for my hair and I have seen amazing results in a short period, I say "amazing" because I cut my hair in August 2016 and I can put my hair in a bun already. The products I use are affordable, effective and produced with natural ingredients such as tea tree oil, carrot oil, olive oil, jojoba oil and shea butter. When it comes to solving scalp condition issues such as dandruff, flaking and itching, the At One with Nature brand has been a key innovator to assist in solving many of these scalp problems associated with dry scalp and dandruff.

My favourite "At one with nature" product would have to be their detangler, which is perfect for both natural and relaxed hair. Helps you comb your hair without stressing your scalp. Trust me, if you are on natural hair, you would fall in love with this detangler. The rules for natural hair is applicable to relaxed hair, since relaxed hair doesn't experience shrinkage, you are bound to see the results of sticking to a good hair routine faster than sisters with natural hair.

Are you looking to get your natural hair products? I get my natural hair products from Lush Naija. Lush Naija is a natural hair hub that stocks a variety of affordable and effective brands for natural hair. You can find them on Instagram: @lush_naija.

Connoisseur Of Style: Michelle Obama

Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama is an American lawyer and writer who was First Lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017. She is married to the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama.

Michelle Obama wearing Maki Oh

The world would always remember Michelle Obama as the first African-American First Lady. In the world of fashion, she would always be remembered as the first Lady who was always graceful, elegant, full of sophistication and poise.

Every time she stepped out for an event, she left us drooling over what she wore. Whether it is casual or formal, she makes a statement with whatever she wears. I love the fact that in her mix of designer clothing, Nigerian labels were found. She was occasionally spotted wearing Duro Olowu and Maki Oh.  It's always a joy to see Nigerian designers excel internationally. It inspires me.

Michelle Obama is an incredibly strong woman and a beautiful example for the youth. She plays an important role in demonstrating that young girls or women can  embody professionalism, beauty, romance, sophistication, refinement and still be covered up properly in clothes.

Do you consider yourself stylish and would you like to get featured on our "Connoisseur Of Style" segment? Interested? send an email to info@midefashioncounty.com.ng with subject "C.O.S" and we will get back to you.

Fashion Focus: Adire Lounge

Nigerians celebrate in different fabrics. With the popular "aso ebi" culture, we can barely do without fabrics, we are one of the largest market for the popular "Ankara" fabric. We have a lot of brands who produce bold or small prints. In the world of African fabrics, Adire stands out for its unique design. 

Adire is an indigo resist dyed fabric that is produced in South-Western Nigeria. Currently, in the fashion industry, Textile company "Adire lounge" is at the fore front of revamping Adire with assorted designs. 

Cynthia Okochu of Adire Lounge 

Cynthia Okochu is the beautiful brain behind the brand "Adire Lounge, she promotes the fabric and has been able to let fashion enthusiasts see the uniqueness of the fabric.

You can see more of Adire Lounge on Instagram. Follow their story by following @adirelounge. We can make the Nigerian fashion industry better when we patronize made-in Nigerian brands, you can rely on a lot of brands for quality, so stop making excuses. Lol!!!


Photo credit: Instagram- @adirelounge 

Connoisseur Of Style: Chimamanda Adichie

Renowned author "Chimamanda Adichie" is one Nigerian woman I admire from a distance. Her books have an excellent narrative of Nigeria. Her views on feminism might be a little offensive to a lot of Nigerians, I don't agree with all of her arguments but I support a few. Empowering women is key, which is what the celebrated author advocates for and I completely agree with her.

When it comes to style, I believe she can do no wrong. If I will rate her on a scale of 1 to 10, she gets a 10. Her style is so effortless yet so elegant. If you are a style fan of "modest and chic", then her wardrobe is probably one you would wish to raid.

She is also a major supporter of Nigerian fashion brands.  The fashion industry in Nigeria keeps improving and it is only fair that we start to promote our creativity. I hope I get to design a piece for her someday. She is the perfect muse.

Do you consider yourself stylish and would like to get featured on our "Connoisseur of Style" segment, then send an email to info@midefashioncounty.com.ng with subject "C.O.S" and we will get in touch with you. 

Thinking out loud: Common Natural Hair Myths

I personally decided to cut my relaxed hair and transition to natural hair. I was never lucky with relaxers, there was always a new brand in the market that a hair stylist would recommend to me but my hair always got burnt and still looked due for a retouch. I have full short hair and this is a miracle for someone who was called ''GORIMAKPA" by my aunties, I think it means ''someone with a hairless scalp''.

Transitioning was stressful at first because I did not have any knowledge on how to manage my new growth. With time, I did my research and discovered It was an easy task. After transitioning for 3 months, I did my big chop.

6 months after the big chop. Length check. You can see me sweating, all thanks to detangling after loosing a protective hair style.

I was in a fast food restaurant the other day, relaxing, chewing my meat pie as I was writing a new entry into my personal journal, I noticed a group of young folks starring at me, the stare was so obvious and rude, then I heard one of the girls say "they only wash their hair once in a year", it dawned on me that they were talking about my hair, the others laughed and someone said "that's impossible" but she continued saying ''people with natural hair washed their hair once in a year''. I had to correct them. When I am not rocking a protective hair style, I wash my hair every two weeks. 

I have a lot of people ask me questions about my natural hair and noticed there are plenty myths about our black natural hair, which are just false or exaggerated. I want to share some and debunk them.

1. “Natural Hair is Very Strong”

This is a misconception. It may look or even feel rough and tough, but it isn’t. Natural hair is actually fragile and has to be handled with much care. Why? Because the strands curl and bend so much that each curl is a possible breaking point because the bend in the strand weakens the shaft. In fact, many people assume people with natural hair have thick and strong hair strands when in fact they can have fine and wiry strands which can break easily.

2. “Natural Hair Can’t Be Combed.”

Naturally curly/kinky hair is not meant to be combed and styled like straight hair. Curly/kinky hair requires a whole new mind set in styling and you can’t work with kinky hair the way you do with relaxed hair. I can not and will not attempt to get a comb through my hair dry — only while it’s soaking wet with conditioner.

4. Natural hair products are expensive

There are low, mid and high priced natural hair brands in the markets. They all do the same job, It all depends on your hair type and how regular you take care of your hair. Just like relaxed hair, natural hair also has certain needs that certain brands cater to. Don't look down on the pocket friendly products because you can also get perfect results with them.

3. “Trimming Makes Natural Hair Grow.”

Even though trimming will improve the overall health of your hair by getting rid of split ends, it has nothing to do with the hair that grows out of your scalp. By trimming your hair, you are able to hold on to strands that don’t split, so you are able to see length because it’s not breaking and splitting. I had a friend who would hold on to her split, see-through ends in an attempt to grow her hair long. But she had to get a major haircut once a year to get rid of the splits, so each year she had to cut her hair shorter and shorter to make it healthy again. It was a never ending cycle that could have been prevented.

4. “You Shouldn’t Wash Natural Hair Too Often”

I grew up hearing that you can’t wash too often because our hair is very fragile. Maybe with relaxed hair, but washing is wonderful for natural hair. However, strong shampoos can be drying. If you do use shampoo be sparing with cleaners that contain sodium laurel sulphate. If SLS is too harsh for your strands, try a “conditioner wash”, using conditioner to cleanse your hair instead of shampoo.

5. “Water Will Dry Out Natural Hair”

Water is the best moisturizer for natural hair, so don’t be afraid to apply it! The key to maintaining a moisture balance is RETAINING the water that you do apply to your hair via sealing. Here is an article listing the two steps to effective moisturization.

Our hair is beautiful, whether relaxed or natural, the key to having healthy relaxed or natural hair is taking care of it, just the way we pay attention to our skin and body in general, our hair also needs that tender love and care. 

XOXO

THINKING OUT LOUD: Let's talk about training up a child.

I owe my dad a basket full of gratitude, my father was always there to let you know the difference between right and wrong or good and bad. There was no avenue for spoiling us, he wasn't the type of parent to spare the rod if you did something wrong as a child. There were days where he would correct with his mouth and there were days where he would correct with punishment. His favourite was one he called "stool down", some of you know it as "pick pin".

I remember how my sister and I used to tear out pages from our notebooks to create funny crafts. Our exercise books never lasted, my dad explained to us why it was wrong to play with our exercise books and to stop that silly behaviour, he numbered all the pages. So if page 15 was missing, you would have to give a very good explanation. He had a full time job as an Engineer and a full time job as a father. He never took anything for granted.

This affected the way we behaved outside the house, it made us respect his presence and absence. Our training was both formal and informal. This is why I was never the type of girl to fall for peer pressure, if I want something, I work for it, if I cannot get it at the time,  I remain contented till I can buy it for myself. I can say 80% of the kind of woman I turned out to be can be blamed on my father's ability to understand the importance of training his children. I have so many stories of my dad but I will leave that gist for another day. 

My BabaTee (That's his nickname, lol! a short form for Babatunde) and yours truly.

 These days, most young parents leave the duty of training their children to anyone. Charity begins at home, when you decide to let your children behave in a wrong way without any correction, you are leaving that child's future to chance or luck. I hear people make comments like this when their children misbehaves "he's just a child or she's just a child" and I don't understand them. Should the training of a child begin when he or she is a teenager or an adolescent?

I was in the hospital last week, while waiting to see the doctor, a little boy kept jumping all over the place, at first it seemed adorable because he was really cute but after a while, it became too much as he was disturbing a lot of adults. His mother kept shouting and chasing him. You could see that she was tired. A man seated close to me caught the toddler and held him down. He cried for a while, then became calm. The man looked at the mother and said "stop acting like he is bigger than you", she laughed and said "aah!!! he is bigger than me o!". I have seen people let their children stay up late on school days, they let them watch anything on tv till when they are ready to sleep. As a child, if the movie wasn't PG rated or strictly for children, there was no way my dad would let you see the movie. Children should have a time when they go to bed especially when they have to go to school. Just like some adults who have schedules, I believe children should have schedules too.

There should be a time for everything in their young lives. A time to play, a time to read, a time for siesta, a time for fun. Guide your children, don't let them do the guidance for you, it's your responsibility as a parent and remember this "If you don't give your children the proper training they need, society would assist you and in many cases, it won't be the kind of help you would like.